the nudge

Do you ever get the nudge? The thought, idea, spark, to do something? 

I'm in the middle of Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. The way she talks about ideas... as some kind of entities that visit us, help us, and sometimes leave us, is beautiful, inspiring, and freeing. 

And incredibly helpful.

I think it's how God/The Divine works. God approaches. Hey, here's a thought. You up for it? No pressure, but I think you might like this. Again, no stress. There will be more. No shame. You are loved whether you take it or not. 

She could use a phone call. They could use some groceries. This would make a good story. Tell them you appreciate them. Have you been to Iceland? Want to start a non-profit? 

And sometimes we run with it. And sometimes we pass it along to someone else.

We nudge them. This could be cool for you. I wonder if you'd like it. And again, no stress. There will be more. No shame. You are loved whether you take it or not. 

Too much of my life is built around there not being another opportunity. Too much is built around love being tied to accepting a nudge, or not. 

It's just a nudge. No stress, there will be more. No sham.e You are loved whether you (or they) take it or not. 

i cried

"That scene rocked me. I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I don't even know why. The way she smiled, the peace I felt... it was so pure. I'll never forget that scene." 

Is very different than...

"Loved the slow pan. Thought the subtle lighting was just right. The slow zoom, the focus on the smile. I thought the actor captured it perfectly.  And the violins were a great touch for the emotion they were trying to capture." 

The first speaks of experience, not opinion. 

The first allows little room for disagreement, the second invites it. 

The first is equally interesting to everyone, the second more to those in "the industry". 

How do you talk about God? 

have to vs get to

I don't know who said it anymore - not sure it matters - but when asked Why God created the world, they answered something along the lines of "for us to enjoy it". 

That's why. To enjoy it. What a concept. 

I was with a college freshman who said that everything changed in his first year of school when he remembered he didn't have to be there. He wanted to be there. He got to be there. 

You don't have to do that. You get to... enjoy it.

That alone, might make some decisions for us. 

violence

The world is violent.

If God is in the world, immersed completely in its everything, it might look like God is violent in the stories of God dealing with that world. 

It doesn't mean God is violent. 

red sweater

"It's just a red sweater," some would say. 

"But, you don't understand," she would answer "that red sweater is the sweater that I wore the first time he hit me in a fit of rage." 

That's not just a red sweater. 

And when she leaves him, she burns the sweater as a sign of a new, clean, fresh, start. And it's beautiful. It was necessary. It's healing. 

But it's just a red sweater.

Don't underestimate the power of red sweaters. We all have them, to varying degrees. Of course, it doesn't make sense that something that objective can have that much power. But it does. We shouldn't be bashful about its destruction. The fire, in this case, brings freedom. 

If there is a Hell, I think it's burning a lot of red sweaters. 

relationships

From the great Jerry Weintraub again:

Relationships are the only thing that really matters, in business and in life.

The more I live, the more I realize the validity of this statement. You can make up for a lot of missing ability if you can build relationships and you can waste a lot of ability if you can't build relationships.

the big difference

There is a huge difference in recording an album
and recording an album that someone wants to hear. 

It's much easier to do the thing
than to have a group of people that want the thing. 

One is not necessary for the other. 
One is not better than the other. 

But I do often confuse them, and that's very dangerous because the work is completely different as are the opportunities. 

all paths

I don't think all paths lead to the top of the mountain. In fact, I don't think the paths are all that important. I think what we're carrying on the path is more important. 

I think Jesus modeled "the way" to get to the top and it wasn't about a religion but a perspective. There are people in all religions (and none) with that perspective. 

A lot of time is spent on paths... maybe not enough on what we're carrying? 

grace and jealousy

The times I've been most judgmental and angry at others are the times I have felt that someone has gotten away with doing something that I would have done too, if I had known you could get away with it. 

I've been jealous. They broke my formula. 

The problem with all of this is that grace, by its very definition, is getting away with it. 

When I truly started to realize that, it changed everything. 

attaching/creating

There is a big difference between attaching and creating. I think I realize this in obvious circumstances but maybe not in the less obvious...

Sometimes I want to attach to the space others have created, instead of create my own. 
Sometimes I want to attach to the ideas of others, instead of create my own. 
Sometimes I want to attach to the trust of others, instead of create trust of my own. 
Sometimes I want to attach to relationships others have built, instead of creating my own. 

You get the idea. 

I think we sometimes use "opportunity" as an excuse for attaching. They never gave me the opportunity to succeed sometimes means, they never let me attach to their success. Or better, they never let me profit from what their space, ideas, trust, and relationships have earned them. 

Let me on your podcast. Tweet about me to all your followers. Feature us in a Top 10 list. Let me attach to your space, idea, trust, and relationships... I wonder if, in asking for those things, we miss out on the opportunities to create our own space, ideas, trust, and relationships that will, in turn, give us our own opportunities. 

Creating is riskier, harder, and has a much better chance to fail so it's always, at first glance, more appealing to attach. But, it's also very dependent on the host, so we can't complain if we decide to put everything on that choice.  

the best

I was recently with someone who said this:

"I've spent much of my life trying to find what I could be the best at... and therefore I did nothing and became pretty boring."

Fear finds so many creative ways to stop us. 

success and failure

It's been said of money... 

We either live in a state of fear that we will never have enough of it
and, if we get it, fear we will lose what we have.

It's been said of creativity....

We either live in a state of fear we will never succeed creativity
and, if we do, fear we will never match our success. 

It could be said of everything...

We either live in a state of fear we will never get it
and, if we do, fear we will lose it. 

I think true success is no longer living in the state of fear that we will never get it or lose it. 
True failure is still worrying about either. 

if you want to be lonely

If you want to be lonely, don't accept help.

Help offered is a gift. People don't like to be around people who don't accept their gifts. 

The next time someone wants to help you, please let them. 
The next time you offer help, make sure it's a gift. 

scarcity

It's one of those words that's been around forever. I've used it in talks, I've had conversations about it, read about it, listened to others talk about it, and the other day - just the other day - it actually infected me (while reading Big Magic from Liz Gilbert)

If we live in a world of scarcity, it affects everything... and basically always brings fear. 

But if the Divine is operating in this universe and the Divine is infinite, than there is no scarcity. There is enough for everyone. There is abundance. 

Which means...

There is no reason to hold so tightly to new ideas as though someone might steal them. 
There is no reason to be jealous of others' success as though you can't have it. 
There is no reason to be afraid of failure - failure is not missing out on a scarce resource.
There is no reason to be threatened by others. (The founder of Pixar always hired people who he thought might take his job. It made him, and the company, better. And why not? There's enough for everyone.)
There is no reason to think what you have is about to be taken by someone else. 
There is no reason not to give abundantly... and convince others it's a world of abundance. (Hoarding does not come from an abundant worldview but a scarce one.)

Abundance vs scarcity. Just think on it. Most negative feelings come from a scarce worldview.  
 

the others

I'm a small group leader for a class at a local university. Tonight, the professor, and my friend, asked me to share some thoughts on "Are All Other Religions Wrong"... which, of course, I've spent a little time thinking about. 

Looming pretty large in that statement is how we define wrong...

But, bigger than that, it's funny that nowhere (I always hate to use the word nowhere but I will...) in the Bible does anyone say anything about the Christian religion being the right one, since there wasn't a Christian religion. 

I realize the implications are there, but, I would argue, nowhere (cautiously using the word here) I'm aware of does Jesus really say any religion is "right" or "wrong"...  and nowhere (even more cautious) does anyone or anything in the Bible really talk about right or wrong religions as "religions".

drama

I'm not a fan of dramatic people: those who create, stir up, and crave drama in relationships, work environments, or any other form. (I realize I probably react to it negatively, because it's in me and I'm a producer of it, more than I want to be. We hate in others what we see in ourselves.)

But it still really gets under my skin. And when you start to realize how much drama is created in our world, you realize how much we crave it. 

I just came across this study - a way to measure our desire and need for drama. The more we agree with these statements, the more we need drama in our lives. I was struck by how many of these questions have spiritual connotations and answers - or at least could. 

1. Sometimes it’s fun to get people riled up.
2. Sometimes I say something bad about someone with the hope that they find out what I said.
3. I say or do things just to see how others react.
4. Sometimes I play people against each other to get what I want
5. I always speak my mind but pay for it later.
6. It’s hard for me to hold my opinion back.
7. People who act like my friends have stabbed me in the back.
8. People often talk about me behind my back.
9. I often wonder why such crazy things happen to me.
10. I feel like there are people in my life who are out to get me.
11. A lot of people have wronged me.

Perhaps most interesting was the one statement that indicates a lesser need for drama and the spiritual connotations with it. 

I wait before speaking my mind. 

oh hell...

Just a thought experiment and conversation I had with a friend - no reason to panic. 

If you believe in Hell, there is one. 
If you don't believe in Hell, there isn't one.  

But Ryan, you say, Jesus believed in Hell. 

Or maybe Jesus believed in letting people know that if they want a Hell they will get one. 

prayer as paying attention

Father Reynolds (my spiritual director) and I always talk about prayer. We talk about it because, as I recently told him, I don't think most Protestants know how to pray (myself included). We Protestants left and then ridiculed the Catholics for their Hail Mary and beads and then never did anything with prayer ourselves. 

(For what it's worth, he said he doesn't think most Catholics know how to pray either.) 

With that in mind, I had a conversation with a friend about prayer. He told me of a more "New Age" idea that the answers are out there and we just need to align ourselves with them to find them. Which got us thinking of a Divine twist on that. 

What if prayer is simply paying attention to the divine voice of then universe that is always speaking? The voice that speaks through our own intuition, through other people, through sunsets, through books, through other people's experiences of God (the Bible), and more? 

If God is truly in everything (as I believe God is) then God is always speaking. We just need to pay attention. And maybe the point of asking, and asking persistently, is to continually hone ourselves into the correct posture (mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually) to hear the right answer that's out there. 

This would seem more "conversational". 

It's interesting if someone says they are praying for me - as in paying attention to some possible answers for me - I find that pretty encouraging. 

So I'm trying it. What if I paid attention to what God was speaking for an entire month around a specific issue? Do I really think I wouldn't be any further along in discerning an answer? 

persistence

Jerry Weintraub is, by far, the most confident, crazy, unique, story-teller/story-liver person I have ever heard of and his book is pretty amazing, to say the least. 

He writes: 

Persistence— it’s a cliché, but it happens to work. The person who makes it is the person who keeps on going after everyone else has quit. This is more important than intelligence, pedigree, even connections. Be dogged! Keep hitting that door until you bust it down! I have accomplished almost nothing on the first or second or even the third try— the breakthrough usually comes late, when everyone else has left the field.

All kinds of people write all kinds of similar quotes: keep trying, persist, don't let the rejections get you down but when Jerry writes it, and you read his story, it has a greater impact. 

A few days after reading the above quote I was with my spiritual director and we were talking about a particular issue I'm still struggling with, going back and forth, trying to find some clarity. He told me I'm not praying enough about it, thinking enough about it, spending enough time on it. 

He said I need to be more persistent with God. 

It's funny how willing - or at least convinced and motivated - I am to bring persistence into  every part of my life except my interactions with the Divine. I think that needs to change. 

questions vs answers

I met with a young man who was trying to get some dating advice: not that I'm anyone to get dating advice from, but still...

To make a long story short, the he kept saying "should I ask her..." and "when do I ask her..." and "do you think she'll say..." 

Now this is not every case, but for this young man, questions were a way of putting all the responsibility on her. All the risk of failure. All the vulnerability. To make her own it. 

At one point in our conversation, I said, why are you still asking her questions? Why don't you start helping her come up with the answer you want her to? 

Not too much later, my wife and I were talking about writing an editor with all kinds of questions... would you be interested in, would you be willing to... do-something-very-general-with-our-company-blah-blah-blah... and it struck me in the same way.

Why don't we start helping them come up with the answer we want them to? 

We don't because it means more vulnerability on our part, more risk, and more time thinking about what we actually want.. and how to get there... and then the risk of all that time we spent thinking and planning not paying off. 

But that's where I'm learning the real juice is.