Lumping

We hate to be lumped. Especially with people worse than us or more extreme so we’re always differentiating between why we’re different than them. As we probably should. Since we know we hate being lumped we often use the tactic to attack others and lump them in so that they can hate the lumping.

This is why knowing is so important. We can’t lump something we don’t know with something we do - just because it’s convenient. We have to take the time to see if the lump is accurate. And we have to know ourselves enough to know that when we’re lumped, someone saw enough of a connection to merge us. It might be worth looking at what that kernel of reality was.

In short, lump less. Know more, including when lumped, the why.

my fault.

These are some interesting words. My wife and I were talking through them the other day and, sometimes, something is our fault. But, other times, we just use the words for control of a situation that feels out of control. It was my fault, because I wore that. My fault because I ate that. My fault because I didn’t say the right words.

These can be true. But, if we’re honest, it’s often because we can’t stand a world where things…sometimes…just…happen… and there’s nothing we can do about it.

If it’s our fault, we believe we can prevent it from happening in the future, if we just don’t - or do - that thing differently next time. But often that’s not true.

So, of course, we can own up to our choices and the repercussions. But, sometimes, it’s just chance and it really isn’t your fault. As good as it feels in some weird and twisted way to need blame - even if it’s ourselves - resist the urge when it’s not true.

the "misfits".

It’s well documented in the stories that Jesus hung out with the “misfits”: the prostitutes, the tax collectors, the ones that were generally shamed by the society. Jesus did not hang out much with the religious elite, the politicians, the ones that were generally praised by the society.

Sometimes you’ll hear the reasons for this are a) they need Jesus more b) they are more likely to listen c) God sides with the oppressed, marginalized, and weak… because…. well it’s more of a fact than a list of reasons.

Here’s my thing: Jesus hung out with the “misfits” because they are a) more fun b) more genuine c) more empathetic d) more forgiving e) more joyful and f) generally just more pleasant to be around.

At least it seems that way today and I assume it’s generally been that way through most of history.

Power generally makes people less enjoyable.

the wrong line.

Jonathan Safran Foer said something to this effect on a podcast and I can’t stop thinking about it.

Rather than judge ourselves off the line of perfection, how about we judge ourselves off of the line of doing nothing, instead?

In other words, instead of worrying that you have to go vegan, just eat a little less meat? Instead of becoming Mother Theresa tomorrow, how about just being nice to someone out of your comfort zone once a month? Instead of feeling guilty for flying, what if you chose to do one less business trip every other month? If everyone picked up a piece of garbage they saw on a walk or run… well… you get it…

It’s a simple and small thought perspective that is pretty encouraging!

speaking of spending...

Trump has spent 13% more than Obama under the same first 2.5 years. If you account for inflation it’s only 3.2%. Still, Obama was spending on a government bailout, stimulus packages, welfare and unemployment in a terrible economy and Trump is spending it on… ? with a booming economy.

So, yes, again, the “economy” is doing great.

But so is my friend Jerry who just bought a new car, new house, and took a trip to Japan… on his credit card.

Teenage brain tends to overvalue short term thrills over long-term consequences. (I mean, so does my own brain.) America is still a teenager in more ways than one.

helps to know.

Can we swap out a word that we use a lot?

Help. Serve is used too - more often in religious circles.

We’re really helping this group. It’s amazing how we’ve been able to serve these people. You’ve heard it. How can we serve xyz group? How can we help those who are fill in the blank?

I’m starting to prefer “know”. Know requires a lot more and it’s not as easy to falsely believe in success. It’s not as easy to fake. It also doesn’t carry an inherent hierarchical vibe with it.

Here’s the other thing: if you know someone, you will always help and serve them. But it’s very possible to help and serve someone and never know them, which makes one ask if we’re actually helping and serving ourselves in that case.

Or maybe we could say generosity with the intention to know is more impactful than generosity with the intention to serve.

So… here’s to more knowing. Whatever group, whatever person, whatever opposite viewpoint… take more time to know, and less time to help and serve.

The distinction has been good for me I know that.

repetition.

I’ve heard the lie

Keep repeating the lie

And eventually they’ll believe it

So many times

I’m starting to believe it

But people don’t repeat lies

They repeat what they think is true

Even if it isn’t

But especially

When it’s sold to them

Repetition isn’t the problem

Ignorance is

Tyranny isn’t what’s ruining the empire

Laziness is

Not the kind of lazy that doesn’t work

The kind of lazy that doesn’t seek

The truth

Amidst the repetition 

the amount of wrong.

Let’s be real. The vast majority of us get all of our truths from reading something that we trust. In other words, we don’t know enough to know if what we’re reading is true or false but we know enough to know that we can generally trust the person telling us.

If something as simple as the law of gravity. The vast majority of us would say that it’s true. But not because we’ve tested it - or really probably even understand it - but because we’ve been told it enough times by people we trust.

And then I come across a line like this while reading an article about dark matter.

Perhaps we’re wrong about something in the standard model that defines how the tiniest particles in the universe behave and interact, and dark matter exists, but in a very different form than we’re expecting. Or perhaps we are wrong about the laws of gravity.

So I then look up if this is actually a possibility… that we’re wrong about the laws of gravity. And it turns out there is a growing minority who thinks we might just be.

Let’s be real. The vast majority of us don’t know much of anything. Which is pretty awesome - we have plenty to keep learning.

which fear?

In a little follow-up to Monday’s post.

It’s interesting how many people are opposed to “socialism” that are in support of the military. I think this is because a) people think socialism is mostly about paying people who don’t work and b) people think the military is mostly about people who “serve” instead of “work”. I think both are a quite a bit more complicated than either statement but I also think it’s mostly about fear.

Do we fear terrorists? Russia? Nuclear war? Being invaded? I’m not sure what else, but there are lots of fears out there that a military can definitely take care of.

Interestingly enough, there’s some other fears. Cancer. Heart disease. Diabetes. Addiction.

At the end of the day, some would rather spend money on the first list of fears than the second. Also interesting is that one of those lists is pretty vague and perceived and the other is very real and in our face, at least in my opinion.

I suppose one could argue that the reason the first in vague is because we spend a lot on it. True.

To add all kinds of intrigue on this whole debate the U.s. actually spends more on healthcare than any developed nation. It’s just mostly private spending and it’s mostly administrative. And while we do have the world’s largest (and probably best) military we definitely don’t have the world’s best healthcare system - in relation to other developed nations - and according to most stats.

You could say you get what you pay for but that’s not entirely true in our case. Maybe you get what your government pays for and makes important?

Which fear grabs our attention is the question? Or maybe, which fear grabs our government’s attention? Or maybe, which candidate’s fears do you vote for?

perfect love.

It’s a pretty well-known saying “perfect love drives out fear”.

I don’t love diving into wordplay much anymore but it is interesting to me that the word perfect is before love. I don’t know what the original author was getting at it, but right before the line the author says that there is no fear in love.

And then he adds that this mysterious “perfect” love not only doesn’t exist with fear, it actually expels it.

So it would seem part of the point was not to just say that fear and love don’t belong together but that if we want to know how to love better, bigger, more inclusively, more mature, grown-up, and completed love, we can start by driving away fear wherever we see it.

Or on the flip side, wherever we drive away fear, we’re doing some damn good loving.

Grimaldi.

When we were in Moncaco this summer, our tour guide told us the story of Grimaldi.

In 1297, Grimaldi approached the gates of Monaco’s castle dressed as a Franciscan Friar. Because of that, the guards let him in. Little did they know he was carrying a sword under his robes. He went on to seize the castle - with some men - and hold it for four years. He was eventually defeated but his effort would go on and eventually lead to Monaco (after a lot more history).

So this statue of Grimaldi is in the public square - a friar with a sword sticking out of his robe. He’s on the Coat of Arms of Monaco.

Which all got me thinking - if you want to get people to trust you, so you can take them over later, dress up as a religious figure. It’s worked for years. Still does for many.

And… one more thing. Monaco is the wealthiest nation on Earth and was funded in its modern itteration from a casino. It’s basically a big presentation for the world’s wealthiest - presenting their cars and yachts and money to tourists - like me. And it was impressive.

But, how interesting that a country that can trace its roots back to using the disguise of religion to bring about violence is now one of the most celebrated places of money on the planet?

Yeah… sounds familiar… things never change all that much do they?

principles.

From Obama after the Democratic Party (arguably Obama himself) was beaten up pretty bad in the 2014 midterms:

“The principles that we’re fighting for, the things that motivate me every single day and motivate my staff every day — those things aren’t going to change.”

Which does make one ask, what are my principles that I’m fighting for?

Or at least it made me ask that.

Equality is up there.
Kindness is up there.
Creativity, Evolution, and Awe are up there for me too.

You?

the dip.

My book comes out in a little more than two weeks and I figured it was a good time to write down how I’m feeling. (So when I’m on Oprah I’ll remember.)

Seth Godin calls it The Dip and it’s the time in the valley during any creative process. This isn’t the mountain peak stuff, it’s the opposite kind of stuff. The pit. The time when lots of people quit - which is the good news because it’s the time we can separate ourselves from the imitators - but it’s also the time when we feel like crap - which is the bad news and it makes us feel like an imitator ourself.

These “dips” happen all over the place and I could say I’m in one now. Which is not necessarily a creative dip - the book is done - but more of a fear dip. But, if you think about it, all dips are basically fear-based in one way or another so I figured I would write out my current fears - two weeks from launch - and consider it therapeutic to the whole process.

As to how or why I went from elation to a dip, well as my wife said “It’s getting real. People are about to read this. You’re about to find out.”

Yeah.

It might help you wherever you’re at as well.

Petty Fears
Layout errors. What if a margin is uneven? What if something is off-center?
Textual errors - What if something happened during the endless copy/pastes?
Spelling errors - What if a bad spelling made it past me and two editors?

Ego Fears
What if I actually can’t write even though I think I can? What if I’m the kid on American Idol who is the only one in the room who doesn’t know they can’t sing and thinks everyone else is an idiot?

What if it’s a good book but no one cares? What if what I think important isn’t? What if my stories, my perspectives, and my intuition is just plain boring?

What if the good comments are actually people just being nice? What if the people who say nothing are just following the old rule of “say nothing if you can’t say anything nice…”

Deep Fears
What if I wasted years of time, lots of dollars, and heaps of energy… for nothing of substance?

What if I don’t even know what substance is? What if I’m distracted by success under the guise of meaning?

What if my base motivations in life are pretty vain and/or empty?

Yeah, once you start going down the list of fears things can get pretty hairy, pretty fast. But, like all fears, they are usually based on “what if”?

So… since we’re playing a what if game?

What if this is the greatest thing I’ve ever created and it will change the world?

And that’s fear’s game isn’t it? Even typing that line feels inauthentic, arrogant, and almost crazy so I default to the more “normal” fears that seem more acceptable because they don't say “Who do you think you are?”.

Which is so strange in itself, isn’t it? Fear only lets you ask certain what if’s and feel reasonable about it, even if they aren’t.

So, no matter where you’re at in the creative process… screw the “reasonable” “acceptable” what if’s and start living for the more “wild” and “revolutionary” ones.

Of course, they may not come true either but what if life is just more fun creating stuff with wild dreams swimming in our heads?

If...

If you’re still looking for God

Let met save you some trouble.

You won’t find her

raising her arms on any Sunday morning.

You won’t find him

dancing in the snow of any mountain peak.

You won’t find them

in any recital of words and liturgy.

Let me save you some trouble.

If you’re still looking for God.

This might save you some heartache.

Some things can never be found

because

they would stop existing

if they were.

beware the roosters.

Roosters should go deaf, given the decibel levels of their iconic cock-a-doodle-doo. The fat that they don’t caused some researchers from Belgium to look into why. They discovered that when a rooster opens its mouth all the way, their external auditory canals completely close off like, creating a perfect little earplug.

The evolutionary theory is that as roosters got louder and louder to warn other roosters to stay away from their hens, their ears evolved to enable them to be louder without hurting themselves.

Social media is filled with a bunch of roosters these days with their shrill high decibel annoying calls every morning, afternoon, and evening. Chances are pretty high they don’t even notice the volume of their own calls.

Chances are also high there isn’t going to be some future epiphany where they realize the annoyance of their daily routine. Rather than wait for them to stop, it’s probably better to start finding ways to be mute them if we don't like them.

Happy Veterans Day.

The United States spends about $1.2542 trillion on its Defense Budget. That’s far more than the 650-750 billion generally thrown around but you can read all the details here.

Even going with the 650 billion that’s 3.2% GDP, third in the world, only behind Russia and Saudi Arabia.

The U.S. Department of Defense is generally considered to be the largest employer in the world.

All of this is fully funded by taxpayer money.

I’m all for taking care of our Veterans.
I’m also for a country that demands less of them, and from them, in the future.

or maybe...

The stories say that after Jesus rose from the dead he appeared in a few different locations but people didn’t recognize him right away. So they called him a “gardener” and a “man walking on the road to Emmaus” in many of the first witness accounts.

The interpretations generally go that Jesus was in “disguise” or a “different resurrected body”, etc… but here’s another one.

What if the gardener was actually a gardener?

What is the man walking to Emmaus was actually a man walking to Emmaus?

What if, what his disciples came to realize was not that Jesus had literally resurrected but that the Jesus idea and love and way of life was still a part of all kinds of people and that this whole resurrection thing was way more metaphysical and symbolic than literal?

After that they began to see Jesus in more places.

Which, by the way, is far more powerful.

Just a maybe…

Wald.

Abraham Wald was a Hungarian mathematician who studied in Austria , emigrated to the U.S. because of Jewish persecution, and eventually found himself working for the The Statistical Research Group during World War II. The SRG was a badass collection of very smart statisticians helping the war effort.

So, here was the problem: American planes were getting shot down. There was some room for heavier armor but not too much room because that makes the planes less maneuverable and fast.

The military came to Wald for the solution.

They also had collected quite a bit of data. They had all the spots where planes had been hit by enemy fire after their return engagements over Europe. It would make sense to fortify those sections of the plane, right? After all, that’s where the majority of enemy fire was going.

Wrong, said Wald.

Those are the planes that have returned. We need to put armor on all the places where we don’t see bullet holes, because it’s those planes that didn’t make it back and thus, it’s those spots that need better armor in order to be able to return.

It really takes a second to think through but makes perfect obvious sense when you do.

There’s an entire article about Wald here but my favorite part was this: “A mathematician is always asking, ‘What assumptions are you making? And are they justified?’”

And that is the crux, isn’t it?

Because, it sure seems that lots of us are spending all kinds of time putting extra armor in the exact spot where we don’t need it. We’re getting heavier and slower and still getting shot down because we’re ignoring the most obvious, yet hidden, truths that require us to ask about our assumptions and their justifications.

sheetrock stories.

I don’t know if you’ve ever had the pleasure of taping and mudding drywall but if you haven’t it goes a little something like this, after you’ve hung the sheetrock on the studs, taped the seams, and filled the big gaps with mud.

Wait for it to dry. Sand it. Add more mud. Wait for it to dry. Sand it with a more fine sander. Add more. Wait. Sand.

You get the idea. It’s a little monotonous and tedious and boring and it reminded me a ton of the final stages of editing a book.

You add, wait, and then remove. Add a little more, wait a little more, remove with a finer filter. Add. You get the idea.

And that all had me thinking of all the similarities of building a wall and building a book.

1. The studs/frame/main idea start everything.

2. The sheetrock/big chunks/acts have to hang on that frame. Often requires some cutting.

3. Filling those gaps and getting it to all flow together requires lots of waiting, and mud (dirt).

4. Editing it all to be smooth really takes a lot more patience and work. Lots of adding and taking.

5. A little texture often hides the perfect work and the work that wasn’t quite perfect.

Which made me want to write down a few things for my next creative endeavor.

1. Frame it right. It’ll save a lot of work later.

2. Don’t stress too much with the big ideas on that frame. There’s lot of time to smooth out the transitions and gaps and holes.

3. But it takes a lot of time and work. Don’t rush this time of the project. It might be the most important.

4. But don’t take too much time on the fine-tuning either. Really good is better than perfect. One exists and the other doesn’t.

5. The texture/perspective/interpretation people bring to the work is going to either frustrate you or free you to not spend time on things that aren’t important. Choose freedom.

they will always be there.

If Trump proves anything these days, he proves that no matter what you will do, you will always have supportive tribe members.

If we know anything from human experience, we can also know that we will always have critics, no matter what we do, or say, or write, or don’t do, or don’t say, or don't write.

So, two things to get out of the way, right away. Critics never mean you’re on the wrong path and supportive tribe members never mean you’re on the right path. They aren’t good gauges for right or wrong.

Two more things to get out of the way: there’s no point in trying to get rid of critics. There’s no point in ever worrying you will be alone with no tribe.

Maybe the two most important things: decide what kind of people you don’t mind being your critics. Decide what kind of people you want to be in a tribe with. Once you’ve got that dialed in - which probably will change, by the way - you’ll at least be able to gauge, to a pretty decent degree, whether you’re living the kind of life you want to live or not.