moms

Some moms are still with us. 
And some have chosen somewhere else to be. 
Or left this body entirely. 

Some say good riddance. My mom is not missed. 
Some say she's left a hole that will never be filled. 

Some moms are models of trust and inspiration
Some are models of abandonment and selfishness.

Some want to be moms more than anything. 
Some wonder why they ever wished that.
Some consider it their greatest accomplishment. 

Some moms are heroes. 
Some are the villains. 

My mom is Wonder Woman. 
My mom is a whore. 

I've heard it all. The spectrum is wide. 

My mom made me who I am. 
My mom told me the world would be better without me. 
If God is real, why can't I be a mom? 
Why don't my kids love me? 
I live to be a mom. 

I can only say this. 
Every single mom is worthy of our thanks.  

She brought life into his world. 
Raw, pure, brilliant, infinite, extravagant life. Of endless possibilities. 
She carried life.  Delivered life. 

And that is something we should all try to emulate
and be grateful for. 

Especially today. 

have you been?

I doubt you've ever been asked "Do you believe in Boston?" Or... Do you believe in Sweden? Do you believe in Iraq? Do you believe in Miami? 

I assume you've been asked something along the lines of "Have you been to _______?" 

And, if asked, we generally don't answer, "Oh yeah, well basically... I mean I watched an amazing video of ________." Or "Basically, yes, I read an amazing book about _______."  

The reason we don't answer that way is because we all know that's not an acceptable answer. There is so much more than just seeing... there is smelling, there is feeling, there is an energy and a culture and senses that we can't even begin to describe when we actually go there. 

And yet... 

"Do you believe in God?"

I think we should start moving on from the idea that God is something we believe in or not... to God is a place we go to, live in... or not. 

And the only interesting answers are the stories of us going, living, being, experiencing... or not.

And why... or why not.  

Similarly, resurrection, heaven, miracles, etc... "Well, basically, I read an amazing story about...." is never as interesting as "Yes, let me tell you, it was amazing," or "No, have you been there?"

make it good.

Some perceive the ability to choose well, to be the best wisdom. In other words, there are two decisions in front of us, and since we choose the right one, our life gets on the great path. We don't choose the bad decision and thus, ruin our life on the wrong path. 

Under this line of thought, people who choose well are successful. 

I was just on the phone late last night who believed this way and was stressing himself out. 

There is another kind of "wisdom"... making the best decision. 

In other words, there are two choices and whichever one we choose, we then have the option to make it the best one, or to... not. If we believe we "chose" the wrong one for the rest of our life there will be some self-fulfilling prophecy that comes in, and it will probably end up that we did... but not because we chose wrong... because we made wrong. 

So choosing right is important. Of course. Making it the right choice might be more important. 

one plane at a time.

Life ever feel like this? 

Pay attention to the wise words of an air traffic controller. "One plane at a time. One plane at a time." 

Does your life ever feel like this? 

Pay attention to the calm of Tammie Jo Shults, who landed that plane with nerves of steady steel. 

And this is why I continue to love aviation - it's inspiring.

The world can always use a little more "one plane at a time" and calm in the face of engine failure... 

gun-shy

The term is generally used to define someone who, because of a hard experience, is markedly afraid or nervous to go back into a similar situation. The terms originates from sporting dogs, who can no longer do their job, spooked at some point from a loud noise. 

We live in a culture inundated with loud noises and guns and the guns I'm talking about here are the guns of stress, of critics, of fear, of on and on it goes... and they are booming and they are hurtful and they send all kinds of people cowering instead of chasing and hunting for the thing that brings them joy. (That job, that passion, that relationship, that...)

But, here's the thing, the world needs you chasing and hunting! We know you've been spooked, we know it's hard, but don't give into a world that wants more loud noise and less chasers. Keep on searching, finding, retrieving, and returning with the gift. 

The way we bring a gun-shy dog back around is to start with smaller noises, keeping them far away, and slowly raise the levels. We have to build the confidence again, we have to do fun things, and be full of positive reinforcement: a "slow and steady rehab program". 

So, no stress. Start small. Go small, but go. Keep risking, keep standing out, keep hunting, keep searching, keep resisting, keep being vulnerable, keep sharing, and get used to those loud noises. They are everywhere, all the time, and, sure, they can be a reason to cower, or they can be a sign of something good on the horizon. 

the gift of sunday morning.

Thanks for all the feedback from the last post. Some people loved it and some people... didn't. So, just a quick follow-up. 

I hate when people are hurt by things I write or say or think. Please forgive me. It's never my intention, honestly. I have opinions, like we all do, and I am sorry to those who were hurt by mine. I was only trying to expand church and God, not shrink or eradicate expressions of it (based on my experiences right now).

I absolutely love who Branches is, what Sunday mornings can be, and what that weekly gathering can mean. I love it more when seen as a part of a much larger, abundant, amazing culture and world and universe that can hardly even begin to be contained in a small building for an hour a week. Or even a small community. 

That doesn't mean the small building for an hour doesn't matter. Or that community doesn't matter. It means, in context, they and it matter as much as anything in the world matters. I mean that. As much as anything in the world. It's a gift to those who see that. It was a gift to me for 7+ years, it's still a gift, and I hope it will always be a gift. 

Keep seeing and experiencing God every where, including Sundays at 10!

the dangers of sunday morning.

I've spent 44+ years just about every Sunday morning in a building, singing and listening to someone (or speaking myself for the past 9+ years). I've had a lot of what we call "church" experience.

The past 3 months I've been out of it and I have to say it's given me a much bigger and more different perspective than I thought. Maybe? Or maybe I've just had time to think about it. Or maybe there have been more conversations that have centered around the idea of "church" than I'm used to (even when I was "leading one") or maybe because I still have many friends at the place I'm no longer at keeping "it" going. Or maybe because people have asked, "Have you been to church?" or "Where are you going to church?" or "Are you coming back to church?"

"What is church?" has been in my face quite a bit recently. 

I felt like I needed to write down some thoughts. Feel free to give feedback, pushback, or back up. : )

1. Sunday mornings or the buildings where Sunday mornings (in most traditions) take place were never intended to encapsulate "church" or even, arguably, be church. When Jesus said to Peter "on this rock I will build my 'church'" he most certainly did not mean "Sunday morning experience" or even "building" or even "weekly ritual" or even "very small community of people in a certain denomination who agree to some things on a website and to say hi twice a month". He much more likely meant "people" or "culture" or "kingdom" in the grandest of senses, (according to the Hebrew and Greek words) although what word Jesus even used in Aramaic is up for lots of debate so no one really knows. 

We don't go to church. We don't keep a church going. We don't attend one church and someone else attends another church. That's all seems like really bad language with, arguably, bad consequences. 

2. The more "sacred" value that continues to be heaped on the Sunday morning experience, there is a dangerous tendency to make everything else less "sacred".  Things like eating dinner, flying an airplane, driving a car, talking to someone over coffee, making love, or mowing the lawn. I understand that most people don't think they think that Sunday morning experiences are "more sacred" than everything else... but they do. We do. I have. You'll see it real quickly in almost any conversation about "church". The next time someone asks "Where are you going to church" try answering "Yoga, meals, walks, every day..." and see where the conversation goes. 

3. The more important Sunday morning becomes, i.e. the more valuable, necessary, and meaningful, the less important every other moment can become. It an effort to raise the stakes on Sunday, the solution is often to lower the stakes of everything else and that is very not Jesus. 

4. The more God "lives there" or is "experienced better" there or the more "worship" that happens there - even "corporate worship", the less God lives everywhere else or is experienced everywhere else or "worship" happens everywhere else. Again, most people who ritually attend Sunday morning experiences would never say that God lives in a building... and yet when you ask them why they go, you'll find lots of language around the idea that God does live there or is more easily accessible there or the "worship" there is different than everywhere else. It's very subtle and almost sub-conscious but it sure is easy to see once you look. And, in my opinion, unhealthy. 

5. The more we "live" and "do life" with groups of people based around Sunday morning experiences, the less we "live" and "do life" with people everywhere else, including, very often, our literal neighbors. It's amazing how often I hear "Well these are the people I walk through life with..." If walking through life with someone means hearing them cry or laugh one hour a week (at best), well... I mean that's not a lot of walking. It can be, don't get me wrong - AA is a great example of this. But, "living" and "doing life" generally happen in much more meaningful ways and places... if we look. And a Sunday morning experience can kick off real relationship but it surely doesn't cover it.  

6. The more time and resources we put into the Sunday morning experience, because we believe it's so important for all of the above reasons, the less time and resources that are put into the people, the culture, the kingdom, the other experiences, the other times, the other places, the other activities, the other people. So, we feed the very thing that is not the thing we are supposed to be feeding because we think it's the only thing that gives us all the things we need which can turn it into a pretty large and empty distraction to actually finding those things... everywhere. 

Jesus did not come to get people to go to church. Or to start a church. Or a religion. (Side note: neither did Buddha.) He came to start a culture and a way of life that pervades everything. (That can include a Sunday experience.)

None of this is to say that a Sunday morning experience can not be valuable. Believe me, I get it. It's just that it can be more dangerous than valuable if not put in its proper place. And language matters. And much of the language puts it in some kind of higher regard than the rest of life. And that is not valuable. 

In short, what is that Sunday experience? It's what we make it. It's nothing in itself. There is no inherent anything in it. It can be the greatest, most meaningful thing in life, but so can eating a meal. It can be incredible worship - and so can Bon Jovi. It can be an inspiring speaker - and so can Sam Harris. And it can be entirely meaningless, just like a box of Lucky Charms. (I mean, unless that Lucky Charms is worship.)

In short, short... maybe this is the most important question... Does your regular ritualistic Sunday morning experience teach you that you are the one who actually makes every experience valuable or that it's the other way around? 

For my money there have been centuries of programming teaching us the second, because that experience has historically collected vast sums of money and power dependent on people believing it's an experience (namely that "church one") that makes them who they are.

And it's simply not true. 

And once you accept that, everything changes. 

Including whatever we do this Sunday at 10 am. And every other day and time. 

wild. wild.

I just finished Wild Wild Country. If you haven't seen it, go watch it now. Amazing. 

The six part series about the Rajneeshpuram commune/cult in central Oregon in the early 80's will have you feeling every kind of emotion and thought and reasoning... it's impressive. 

Not to mention, for us in the Pacific Northwest, it's now home of a Young Life camp... which... well....

Here's the scary thing. No one ever joins a cult. They join a movement, they follow an amazing person, they perform certain ritual and liturgies because they are impactful and meaningful. Of course it's not a cult. 

The Dunning-Kruger effect says that people of low cognitive ability have a hard time gauging how good they are, or where they stack with others... because well the ability that makes them not great at taking a test, also makes them not great at judging their place. Or.... some people think they are really great at something and actually they are really bad. But we have a hard time seeing that. 

Combine all of this together and you get this: of course whatever religion, spirituality, teacher, master, I follow isn't a cult. No, no. Those people do cult things, I don't. 

Go watch Wild Wild Country. Don't point the finger at them... see if you can point it back at yourself. It's a much more wild ride if you can. 

teens. rock.

Yeah they rock. In fact, they are drinking less, doing less drugs, having less sex (especially the bad kind), fighting less... overall "less hedonistic and break fewer rules than in the past"... and it's happening in countries around the world. 

There are all kinds of reasons thrown out there as to why... but I'll just throw out an interesting fact. Corresponding with the rise of better decisions in a demographic of humanity is a similar rise with a disassociation with religion. Around 4 out of 10 18-39 year olds are religiously unaffiliated and they are 4 times more likely to be so, than the previous generation. 

I'm not tying religion to worse decision making... well, yeah actually I guess I am. 

But it's not all good. This group is also one of the most isolated and lonely... which is something religion can help with when it's not focused on rules and legalism. 

the end.

It's the start of Spring - a new season begins and another season ends. 

Today, I'm ending my daily blog posts. 

Not because I don't love the daily writing, but because I love too many other, new, things more. It's time for new seasons and to celebrate this one. Because, after all, you can't do everything. 

I'm proud of the blog. Today marks two years, which means 730 days, which means thousands of words, which means getting better at something. 

To those of you who have been reading, thank you... I'll post here from time to time but it's time to bring the creative thoughts and processes to other avenues. 

Cheers!!! 

you can’t not.

 We can't "not take a stance". It's just not one of the choices. 

In not taking a stance we are taking a stance that this particular thing is not worth taking a stance on, compared to all the things that we do take a stance on, and, that, in itself, is taking a stance. 

We can be honest about that. But we can't say "I don't have a stance on this one." 

350,000.

My friend was telling me that Pete Holme’s show Crashing was just renewed by HBO - it has about 350,000 viewers. The top show of 2017 The Big Bang Theory with 18.5 million viewers.

In 2017 there were 487 scripted shows - a new record. In 2010 there were 216. 

In 1983 the M*A*S*H finale had 106 million viewers. In 1993, Cheers finale had 80.4 million. In 1998 Seinfeld  had 76.3 million and in 2004 the Friends finale had 52.5 million. 

It's possible the shows became less good over the years. 

It's more possible that as there is more to choose from, the numbers for everything goes down. 

Which means, since we're now in a world inundated with choice, there are going to be less people choosing every thing... including whatever you are doing. It's a diluted world. 

Which means we have to adjust how we measure. We have to adjust what we expect. And, maybe, most importantly, we have to adjust the way we measure our tribes.

yeah, yeah, yeah...

We all know this it seems almost ridiculous to type out. But, the things people tell me and the way they talk, would seem to indicate that we don't quite have it. 

Church is not the point.

Jesus didn't come to start a church, to tell people to go to church, or even to go to church/temple himself. 

Yeah, yeah, yeah... of course, Ryan! 

What if church didn't exist? At all. What would replace all of the "where do you go to church" and "they stopped going" and "they started going" and "this church is really good" and "this church is exploding" conversations? 

I mean this honestly. So much of "religion and/or spirituality and/or god" is centered around a very specific and small expression of the words that I, sometimes, wonder what else there is? 

What would be the thing that would replace that measurement? Is there anything else? Is that why church continues to be a gauge? 

What if it is was love? 

Where do you love? They stopped loving_____. They started loving______. This love is really good. This love is exploding. 

Wow, that would be cool. 

two friends...

Two of my best friends who are pastors recently quit their churches... both of them in the last couple of weeks. 

I told them both that I've never been more excited for them. They left when they were supposed to. 

There's a dangerous fear out there.... maybe one of the more dangerous... and it goes something like: "I can't leave..."

zach.

Zach is originally from Florida. He now sells Sunrise Shells in Hawaii. They were hard to find but he was a hustler. He hustled to surf and he insisted that he wanted to learn how to dive down and find the shells that were once gold to Hawaiian royalty. 

In time, the locals taught him. How to read the ocean. What to look for underneath it. Where to look. And he surfed. And he hustled. And now, he makes a meager living in Hawaii, surfing and selling shells. 

He's not a millionaire. It's not easy but it's easier than it was. He left Florida to find surf. Turns out, like the other man I talked to, he found the surf and a bit more. 

What if he hadn't left? 

a whole new man...

I was talking to a man who lives in Hawaii. We talked about Glacier, about Yellowstone, about New Mexico and North Carolina, and D.C. and New York... about his life and how much he loved it. At one point he looked at me and said "I'm a whole new man." 

"Wow," I responded.

"Do you know why?" he asked. 

"No."

"Because I left."

yeah, no...

I was at Pike Place in Seattle not too long ago. There was a line about thirty minutes long for a bakery. About 50 feet away was a restaurant that didn't have one person in it. 

We hear all kinds of things about what makes a company successful and what doesn't and I definitely have not figured that all out. 

But, I do know this: if no one is in your restaurant and there is a line of people for a bakery 40 feet away, maybe you shouldn't have a restaurant. 

is that a friend...

More and more thoughts and feelings and emotions and processing happens every day - now that I've "left" the church world behind. 

I've had a few conversations with people who tell me they are thinking about being done with church but they really don't want to leave their friends they see every week. 

Just a thought - that is, in no way, meant to encourage anyone to leave a community they love. 

If the only time you see a friend is once a week at a church service, I might challenge whether that's a "friend". I think this is actually an subconscious problem within spiritual communities. Friends aren't that. Yes, they will disappoint you when you get sick or need a dollar - because they are not friends. They are fellow attenders to an event. They give great hugs and hellos and smiles (which can have tremendous value) but that's not what a friend is. 

A friend requires much more from you. 

self-help.

Sometimes you'll hear people speak very dismissively about "motivational speakers" or the "self-help" world.  I was just in a conversation with a person who said "I know this is a little self-helpy... but...." 

The general thought process is that "motivational" and "self-help" aren't exactly at the "spiritual" level of life and therefore something we can dismiss a bit. 

A few questions. 

1. If someone is motivating a human being... what is that? Evil? Good? God? 

2. If someone is helping someone help themselves... better understand who they are and what they are capable of... is that evil? Good? God? 

3. Are explicitly "spiritual" people not trying to motivate humans? Help humans? Help humans help themselves? If they aren't, what are they doing? 

We can stop being dismissive or apologizing for both now, right?  

no, it was the church.

I can't count the number of times I've heard a statement like "the church has hurt me" or "the church let me down" or "the church betrayed me"....

For a while it was popular to respond to such statements with "What was his/her name?" implying that "the church" can't hurt anyone. It's always a person, representing the church. 

After spending 9+ years working in the church and 44+ heavily involved (and talking to others with similar stats) I completely disagree.

I had an amazing experience with people in "the church". In fact, I can't name one person who did something wrong or hurtful or mean... honestly I can't. (Not that really sticks.) When I think of individuals, I have nothing but love and respect and good feelings. 

But, when I think of "the church" well... I don't have quite the same feelings. Not because of people, but because of the system... entirely the nameless, faceless, generic system... and its flaws. So, I'd actually encourage you today if you feel as though you've been hurt by the church, you probably have. 

If there was a person who was acting in the name of the church, trust that they've been hurt by it as well. 

Systems are oppressive. Systems exist to benefit themselves... not individuals, as Seth Godin says. And the church is no different. It's a system created to benefit itself, and that can be really hurtful.

Keep on trusting humanity, it's the systems that are a little more scary.