to the critic. two.

We all have a critical side. We all play the role from time to time. So these are as much to myself (or at least to my ego) as they are to the critics "out there" (although I'm fine if they read these too.)

The Joker said it to his girlfriend in the 1989 remake of Batman. 

They're both looking in the mirror. 

She says: You look fine. 

He responds: I didn't ask. 

It's Jack Nicholson and he's playing The Joker. Well. But, it's a question worth asking.

Rule Two: Talk to the people who are asking. If none are, well...

Who is asking? What are they asking? Why aren't they asking? Why are they asking? 

I can guarantee you this: If we are being the critic to someone who didn't ask for our opinion, you and I deserve the same response that Jack Nicholson gave. We shouldn't be surprised when we get it. 

Spend more time earning the question and answering those questions than being a critic. 

to the critic. one.

We all have a critical side. We all play the role from time to time. So these are as much to myself (or at least to my ego) as they are to the critics "out there" (although I'm fine if they read these too.)

Rule One: If you aren't playing by your own rules, please don't put them on anyone else. (Also, please know your own rules.)

This leaves two choices: start playing by our own rules, or stop putting our rules on others. We can decide which way to go but we can't have it both ways. I've personally found the default of "not putting rules on others" is a much better place to start. I can then make sure I know my own rules (beyond the superficial expressions of them) and that I'm playing by them before I start looking around. 

Note: I do find myself looking around much less, which is good. It's hard to look with a plank in my eye, anyway.  

moderates...

I hear it often. I've said it often. I heard it just today." I'm looking for a moderate. I'm tired of both sides."

Which sounds great, on the surface...

But isn't that realistic. 

Are you looking for a moderate on your side? Or on their side? What makes someone a moderate? They agree with you... just enough? They disagree with you... just enough and in the right way? And what about the extremes on both sides? Do they have moderates? Are they similar to your moderates or are they on "one of the sides" according to you? 

A moderate is just our moderate. What we really mean is, "I want someone who agrees with me. I'm tired of both sides who disagree with me for different reasons." 

Here's a better game to play. 

Listen. To everyone. No one is the way they are without some kind of reason for being that way. Including you. Including me. Hunt, search, find, those reasons. That's where the gold is. 

Not in moderates like you. Or me. 

cheering for scott keyes.

Sticking with the dance culture post from a few days ago...

If someone saves you thousands of dollars while enabling you to do something you love to do, well I mean, you have to cheer them on. 

I don't know Scott, but that doesn't really matter. I know he's left-handed (like me) I know he loves to travel (like me) and I know he's been to 45 countries (like I want to do) and I know he enabled my family and I to get tickets to Hawaii for $350 round trip and tickets to Sweden to see Isaac for $520 round trip. Yes, round trip from Seattle. 

If you like to travel. If you want to travel. If you're thinking about traveling to Hawaii and/or another country you have to sign up today. It's $39 a year. Yes, you'll save at least 4 times that if you buy one ticket a year. 

So, to Scott. I applaud you, jump up and down and celebrate, half because it seems you've created an amazing life for yourself and you're killing it, and half because you're helping me to do the same. I mean isn't that what this is all about? 

So, Scott, keep dancing. Please. I love the way you dance and help me to do the same. 

cheering for isaac.

Sticking with the dance culture post from a few days ago...

Some may call this cheating, since Isaac is my son. But, either way, as a dad it's really cool to be proud of your kids in ways that are beyond just parenting. 

Isaac left two days ago to study for Sweden in 4 months. It's not an especially easy thing for anyone but if you know Isaac, you know that leaving by yourself, knowing no one, to study in another country, is not your favorite thing. 

He went because he wants to grow, to evolve, to see the world, and to challenge himself. And he's writing a blog about it while he's there. 

So, yeah, he's my son, but that means even more to me. I'm smiling, I'm cheering and I'm jumping up and down for Isaac and his adventures in Sweden!! And anyone who challenges themselves to grow, to evolve, and to see the world. 

I like the way you dance Isaac! 

cheering for joel barbour.

Sticking with the dance culture post from a couple days ago...

I'll never forget standing in a line with Joel at some event, years ago, and Joel told me was thinking of starting a shirt company. 

Up to that point, I had known Joel as a teenager skater, and an amazing artist. I couldn't wait to see what he came up with. 

Little did I know that years later, he'd have one of the coolest apparel brands in the Pacific Northwest, representing the Northwest with stunning designs in stores everywhere including REI and in partnerships with Rainier Beer. If you haven't see The Great PNW, well check out the online store right now! 

Joel is absolutely killing. His designs are beautiful, his new office space is amazing and even though he's a family man - he's still a teenager skater and one hell of an artist in his heart. 

I applaud. I jump up and down and cheer for Joel and can't wait to see what's next. 

Joel, I like the way you dance, man! 

cheering for aaron mchugh.

Sticking with the dance culture post from yesterday...

I got to meet Aaron for the first time in New York City. That, in itself, was pretty cool. Even cooler was the fact that we went to a Seth Godin conference together, with our wives. Even cooler, was Aaron. 

His story is long, full of big risks and big adventure but I'll sum it up this way: lots of people talk big. Aaron walks big. 

He's made lots of money. Sure. And left. He believes in a work, life, play balance and he's made big changes in order to find it. And he's making more changes. If you're struggling with too much work and not enough play - and thus, too little life - Aaron is a man to listen to. 

He writes books. Good books. Some free. Some endorsed by Seth Godin. 

He's got a brilliant podcast. 

He blogs. 

He runs an event called Reboot - along with his equally amazing wife Leith - that doesn't leave people the same way they come in. It's revolutionary and experiential and brilliantly crafted to help people find what's important and leave behind what isn't. 

There's more. Of course. But, the man is wise. He's fun. And he's living. 

I jump up and down for this guy. I clap my hands. I smile. The world needs to hear more of Aaron and his message. 

I like the way you dance Aaron McHugh! 

dance culture.

I don't know if you've watched So You Think You Can Dance and I don't know if the television show is representative of the broader dance culture but let's pretend it is. 

The thing I love is the support for one another.  The cheering and applauding when someone does a good job. They get so excited when a competitor - yes a competitor - does well. That person may have just cost them a chance of their own at something amazing but they are giddy and over the moon anyway. 

They can't help but appreciate good dance when they see it. They can't help but hope their greatest competitors do well. They can't help but jump up and down at something great. 

It's beautiful when it happens. And it's in other spots. Authors will praise books for one another. Athletes will recognize a fellow competitor here and there. As will actors. 

So, with that in mind, I want to cheer and congratulate and jump up and down for some people that are doing awesome things the rest of the week. Even if they are direct competitors. 

It's so much more freeing, alive, and beautiful. 

more ant (and god) stories.

I was back on the porch watching ants the other day. 

There was a giant piece of tuna fish on our table. The fish was at least twice as big as the ant that was struggling with everything he had to drag it across the table. He left it a few times and finally came back for it a third time. Eventually, I couldn't help but help him. So I helped him nudge the piece of tuna closer to the edge while he continued to work. He fell of the table onto the deck and then started the long journey to the hill. I watched for a while but it was too stressful - I had to let him do his work. 

As I was watching the ant I thought of all the times that I've poisoned ants with powder because I didn't like where their hills were. I felt a little bad about it. 

And then I wondered what this is all like from the ant's perspective. 

First, this poor guy is trying with every muscle in his body to carry a piece of fish and suddenly it's easy. As though he's being helped by an unseen force. He's 100 times stronger. He'll tell his friends, I said a prayer and suddenly I was dragging this thing across the land like it weighed nothing. God was there!

Of course, other ant friends will say well that's nice that your god helped you then. Remember a few weeks ago when that snow like substance came down and a day later 90% of our colony was dead. Our family and friends. Where was your god then? Poisoning us himself? (In that example, unfortunately, yes.) 

Here's the danger. Just because we are terrible gods, one day interested and helping the ants, the next day killing thousands of them because they irritate us, doesn't mean other gods are. 

Just because our only experience of such power is to not really know what to do with it, doesn't mean other gods don't. 

On the same line of reasoning, just because we exist doesn't mean gods do. 

But, if there is a larger force in this universe I'm going to assume it's way more mysterious, more consistent with love and help, and better able to handle the power than me. 

one more reason...

Back in June The Southern Baptists condemned a number of things at their convention including... 

Gambling. 
Planned Parenthood.

and 

The alt-right. 

One of those took much longer than expected and came only after leaders initially refused to take up the issue. 

Nope. Not gambling. The alt-right. 

The fact that any religious group had to debate about whether to bring up the idea of whether or not to debate to condemn a hate group - or the fact that it's not overtly obvious that all hate groups are already condemned - speaks to how incredibly weak and lame and unappealing some religious groups are.

And one more reason I prefer "aspiring mystic" to Christian. 

And one more reason, we continue to find ourself where we do as a nation. 

The only cure for the angst of modern man is mysticism. Thomas Merton

more money.

It seems like most of the emotions and lifestyles (when we really drill down) we think money will eventually get for us, are already available right now, if we would just stop pursuing more money and start pursuing those emotions instead. 

The love of money might just be the root of all evil... because it's so distracting, deceiving and blinding to the reality of the fact that we can have more freedom, more rest, more fun, more gratitude, more generosity, today, without more money. 

I can live in Peru.

Continuing the thought from yesterday... 

I can live in Peru. And so can you. 

That's the good news. 

Mind your business. Don't try to be a superpower and don't have things that you tell other people they can't have. And stop calling people stupid. There's a good chance those same people think you are too. 

And soon, you'll find yourself living in Peru. See you there. 

Peru.

Just a simple question for a Friday. 

Why has North Korea never threatened Sweden? 

Or Finland? 

Or South Africa? 

Or Peru? 

(None of these countries have nuclear weapons. South Africa developed nuclear weapons and then eradicated them.) 

Or India? 

Or Pakistan? 

Or France? 

(Whom all have nuclear weapons.)

I don't know the answers, honestly. 

I'm sure some of it goes back to the Korean War. I'm sure some of it is because the United States is a superpower and the loudest voice against North Korea having weapons. 

I don't know but sometimes I wonder what it's like to live in a country that just "minds its own business in the world". 

I mean when was the last time Peru was mentioned in the news for anything? 

Also. 

It's always important to try to understand the thoughts of the other side. If you were North Korea and you've been told by five nations that all have nuclear weapons that you can't have them, don't you think that would bug you a little? 

You can, but we can't? And you're now threatening us with the use of those very nuclear weapons while continuing to tell us that we can't have them? 

And, you have people in your country saying that you should have more nukes in order to be ready for situations like "these" while still telling us that we can't have them to be ready for any situations like "these". 

I get it. Kim Jon Un is a nutcase. He can't be allowed to have them. 

But, in the mind of Kim Jon Un, Donald Trump is a nutcase. And so is Obama. And so is Bush. And so is Clinton. 

Calling people "nutcases" is like responding to someone who calls you stupid with "No, you're stupid!" 

Which all leads me to, again, Peru... has anyone heard their president make any comment on whether Kim Jon Un is a nutcase or not?

I'm not saying I wish I lived in Peru. I just wonder what it's like to be removed from most of these games. 

one more reason.

Here's another reason I no longer call myself a Christian. I don't have to defend stuff like this: 

Texas megachurch pastor Robert Jeffress, one of President Trump’s evangelical advisers who preached the morning of his inauguration, has released a statement saying the president has the moral authority to “take out” North Korean leader Kim Jong Un.

“When it comes to how we should deal with evildoers, the Bible, in the book of Romans, is very clear: God has endowed rulers full power to use whatever means necessary — including war — to stop evil,” Jeffress said. “In the case of North Korea, God has given Trump authority to take out Kim Jong Un.”

As an "aspiring mystic" I completely disagree with this statement and everything implied in it.

But, if one were to go with this logic, doesn't the Bible then give Kim Jong Un complete authority to take out Donald Trump? 

It all depends on how you define evil I guess. Which is a more interesting conversation - and one I wish Jeffress was having instead. 

i watched this ant.

I felt like Solomon for a second, studying this little ant that was walking across our deck. 

The little guy had a huge piece of food that he was carrying. He would get close to the gaps in the wood and then move away from them until he found a spot close enough to cross. 

From his perspective, the deck must have felt like miles, with canyons everywhere.

Then he reached our planter and started going straight up. His cargo was catching the wind and twirling him around but he kept going. Straight up. Against the wind. Probably felt like a hurricane. 

And he finally made it into a hole in the planter where he entered. I imagined a parade for him when he got home - or at least a prize for bringing home a huge piece of food. 

But, he probably didn't.

Probably just dropped it off and left again to get some more. Maybe he took a nap.

And he didn't complain. Or get mad. Or wonder why no one was recognizing him. 

Just humans, like me, do that. 

It's an ant's life. It's work. It's effort. And then they do it again. 

No wonder Solomon studied them for so long. There's a lot to learn.  

and yours.

A friend of mine lost his father to suicide on Sunday morning. So I wrote this poem... 

---

A father took his life
at dawn on a Sunday. 
I've been inspired
to take mine. 
Back. 

How?
Why?  
He did.
Or Kurt
Or Robin
Or Chris
Or Chester
I don't know.

Pills. Nooses.
Bullets. Blood.
It's easy to get caught up in the details. 
And ignore our own...

...Pills.
In their amber bottles
Some plastic
With our names
Some glass
With names from the past
like Coors and Anheuser-Busch

...Nooses.
Like Yann Martel said in Life of Pi
upside down nooses hanging from our necks
Ties. Suits. And work
That never stops. 
Even as the noose
gets tighter. 
We're strangling ourselves
and convincing ourselves
we look good doing it.

...Guns. 
The population
of guns is more than that of people
in this country.
It's growing three times faster.
Appropriate. Indicative. 
Of values. 
And we're surprised?
Innocent minorities. 
Die.
Those who are sworn to protect them.
Die.
Toddlers who think they are toys.
Die.
Our enemies.
Die.
For a moment.
And resurrect.
But we need those zombies.
Because we need more guns.
 

...Blood.
Our soul
is dying.
Our breath
is fading.
The cuts of racism, fear, and hate
have not
quite healed
and
ignoring them
won't heal
them either.
Sadly.
It's safer to ignore the pain.
But we do live
in the land of the brave.

A father took his life and a bit of mine was taken as well. 
And a bit of yours was taken as well.

And yours and yours and yours and yours and yours and yours and yours.

Every pill.
Every noose.
Every gun. 
Every drop of blood. 

And yours and yours and yours and yours and yours and yours and yours.

Someone once said it.
Life runs you
Or
You run life. 

Together. Let's
take ours
back. 

wisdom.

If it's actually wisdom, and worth listening to, it's been around since the beginning. Or close to it, at least. 

Of course the words and the phrases, the stories and the illustrations change, but wisdom is wisdom. It's everywhere, sometimes blowing my mind with its consistency. From sacred texts to "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***" and from Jesus, Buddha and Mohammed to Kanye West. 

Yeah, if it's wisdom you can see the thread weaving in and out through culture, context, and understanding. Pay attention to that stuff.  

And if it showed up in 2013 for the first time, well, I'm not sure that's the stuff worth putting too much time into.   

you're selfish.

It's funny. After spending a week thinking about what makes me happy, what makes me sad, and why, some people start to feel very selfish. 

Especially people who have been raised in certain religious backgrounds where "being selfish" is one of the 7 deadly sins because we are supposed to "pick up our cross" and be mostly miserable through life (I guess that last part was my interpretation). 

Interestingly enough, I would argue that the Bible doesn't have much to say - if anything - about selfishness. It does talk about pride, arrogance, greed, sure... but I'm not sure it's got much to say on selfishness. 

Because we're all selfish. If we weren't, no one would be interested in even talking about what any religious text says or does not say. But we are interested because we believe those texts have something to say about a good life of some kind. Or worst case, heaven. Which is very selfish too - it's just future selfishness passed off on to some other life so that we can be selfless here in this life to get what we really want later. 

If we ignore the religious texts, of course, we're selfish too - because we think that it's a better life to ignore them. 

So, we're all selfish. We want what is best for us. If we didn't, we wouldn't read, grow, change, evolve, move, improve, work-out, create, or much of anything, honestly. It's self-love. It's good. It's necessary. 

The danger comes in the next step. 

After self-love comes other-love. That's where the beauty is. But we can't have other-love without self-love. And self-love without other-love is just greed, pride, arrogance, and, you know, those things that, selfishly, none of us want.  

so... what...

If you've been following along, and more importantly practicing, then you have some lists. 

You not only have things that drain you and cause you to be afraid but things that bring you life and excite you. More importantly, you have the why's for the what's. (Why's are always more important than what's).

So the question is...

What are you going to do to make sure there are more good why's and less bad why's in your life? 

Why not? 

why part V.

Make a list of the things that take life out of you. Exhaust you.   

Now ask yourself why. For each one of them.