gun-shy

The term is generally used to define someone who, because of a hard experience, is markedly afraid or nervous to go back into a similar situation. The terms originates from sporting dogs, who can no longer do their job, spooked at some point from a loud noise. 

We live in a culture inundated with loud noises and guns and the guns I'm talking about here are the guns of stress, of critics, of fear, of on and on it goes... and they are booming and they are hurtful and they send all kinds of people cowering instead of chasing and hunting for the thing that brings them joy. (That job, that passion, that relationship, that...)

But, here's the thing, the world needs you chasing and hunting! We know you've been spooked, we know it's hard, but don't give into a world that wants more loud noise and less chasers. Keep on searching, finding, retrieving, and returning with the gift. 

The way we bring a gun-shy dog back around is to start with smaller noises, keeping them far away, and slowly raise the levels. We have to build the confidence again, we have to do fun things, and be full of positive reinforcement: a "slow and steady rehab program". 

So, no stress. Start small. Go small, but go. Keep risking, keep standing out, keep hunting, keep searching, keep resisting, keep being vulnerable, keep sharing, and get used to those loud noises. They are everywhere, all the time, and, sure, they can be a reason to cower, or they can be a sign of something good on the horizon. 

wild. wild.

I just finished Wild Wild Country. If you haven't seen it, go watch it now. Amazing. 

The six part series about the Rajneeshpuram commune/cult in central Oregon in the early 80's will have you feeling every kind of emotion and thought and reasoning... it's impressive. 

Not to mention, for us in the Pacific Northwest, it's now home of a Young Life camp... which... well....

Here's the scary thing. No one ever joins a cult. They join a movement, they follow an amazing person, they perform certain ritual and liturgies because they are impactful and meaningful. Of course it's not a cult. 

The Dunning-Kruger effect says that people of low cognitive ability have a hard time gauging how good they are, or where they stack with others... because well the ability that makes them not great at taking a test, also makes them not great at judging their place. Or.... some people think they are really great at something and actually they are really bad. But we have a hard time seeing that. 

Combine all of this together and you get this: of course whatever religion, spirituality, teacher, master, I follow isn't a cult. No, no. Those people do cult things, I don't. 

Go watch Wild Wild Country. Don't point the finger at them... see if you can point it back at yourself. It's a much more wild ride if you can. 

teens. rock.

Yeah they rock. In fact, they are drinking less, doing less drugs, having less sex (especially the bad kind), fighting less... overall "less hedonistic and break fewer rules than in the past"... and it's happening in countries around the world. 

There are all kinds of reasons thrown out there as to why... but I'll just throw out an interesting fact. Corresponding with the rise of better decisions in a demographic of humanity is a similar rise with a disassociation with religion. Around 4 out of 10 18-39 year olds are religiously unaffiliated and they are 4 times more likely to be so, than the previous generation. 

I'm not tying religion to worse decision making... well, yeah actually I guess I am. 

But it's not all good. This group is also one of the most isolated and lonely... which is something religion can help with when it's not focused on rules and legalism. 

the end.

It's the start of Spring - a new season begins and another season ends. 

Today, I'm ending my daily blog posts. 

Not because I don't love the daily writing, but because I love too many other, new, things more. It's time for new seasons and to celebrate this one. Because, after all, you can't do everything. 

I'm proud of the blog. Today marks two years, which means 730 days, which means thousands of words, which means getting better at something. 

To those of you who have been reading, thank you... I'll post here from time to time but it's time to bring the creative thoughts and processes to other avenues. 

Cheers!!! 

you can’t not.

 We can't "not take a stance". It's just not one of the choices. 

In not taking a stance we are taking a stance that this particular thing is not worth taking a stance on, compared to all the things that we do take a stance on, and, that, in itself, is taking a stance. 

We can be honest about that. But we can't say "I don't have a stance on this one." 

350,000.

My friend was telling me that Pete Holme’s show Crashing was just renewed by HBO - it has about 350,000 viewers. The top show of 2017 The Big Bang Theory with 18.5 million viewers.

In 2017 there were 487 scripted shows - a new record. In 2010 there were 216. 

In 1983 the M*A*S*H finale had 106 million viewers. In 1993, Cheers finale had 80.4 million. In 1998 Seinfeld  had 76.3 million and in 2004 the Friends finale had 52.5 million. 

It's possible the shows became less good over the years. 

It's more possible that as there is more to choose from, the numbers for everything goes down. 

Which means, since we're now in a world inundated with choice, there are going to be less people choosing every thing... including whatever you are doing. It's a diluted world. 

Which means we have to adjust how we measure. We have to adjust what we expect. And, maybe, most importantly, we have to adjust the way we measure our tribes.

yeah, yeah, yeah...

We all know this it seems almost ridiculous to type out. But, the things people tell me and the way they talk, would seem to indicate that we don't quite have it. 

Church is not the point.

Jesus didn't come to start a church, to tell people to go to church, or even to go to church/temple himself. 

Yeah, yeah, yeah... of course, Ryan! 

What if church didn't exist? At all. What would replace all of the "where do you go to church" and "they stopped going" and "they started going" and "this church is really good" and "this church is exploding" conversations? 

I mean this honestly. So much of "religion and/or spirituality and/or god" is centered around a very specific and small expression of the words that I, sometimes, wonder what else there is? 

What would be the thing that would replace that measurement? Is there anything else? Is that why church continues to be a gauge? 

What if it is was love? 

Where do you love? They stopped loving_____. They started loving______. This love is really good. This love is exploding. 

Wow, that would be cool. 

two friends...

Two of my best friends who are pastors recently quit their churches... both of them in the last couple of weeks. 

I told them both that I've never been more excited for them. They left when they were supposed to. 

There's a dangerous fear out there.... maybe one of the more dangerous... and it goes something like: "I can't leave..."

zach.

Zach is originally from Florida. He now sells Sunrise Shells in Hawaii. They were hard to find but he was a hustler. He hustled to surf and he insisted that he wanted to learn how to dive down and find the shells that were once gold to Hawaiian royalty. 

In time, the locals taught him. How to read the ocean. What to look for underneath it. Where to look. And he surfed. And he hustled. And now, he makes a meager living in Hawaii, surfing and selling shells. 

He's not a millionaire. It's not easy but it's easier than it was. He left Florida to find surf. Turns out, like the other man I talked to, he found the surf and a bit more. 

What if he hadn't left? 

a whole new man...

I was talking to a man who lives in Hawaii. We talked about Glacier, about Yellowstone, about New Mexico and North Carolina, and D.C. and New York... about his life and how much he loved it. At one point he looked at me and said "I'm a whole new man." 

"Wow," I responded.

"Do you know why?" he asked. 

"No."

"Because I left."

yeah, no...

I was at Pike Place in Seattle not too long ago. There was a line about thirty minutes long for a bakery. About 50 feet away was a restaurant that didn't have one person in it. 

We hear all kinds of things about what makes a company successful and what doesn't and I definitely have not figured that all out. 

But, I do know this: if no one is in your restaurant and there is a line of people for a bakery 40 feet away, maybe you shouldn't have a restaurant. 

is that a friend...

More and more thoughts and feelings and emotions and processing happens every day - now that I've "left" the church world behind. 

I've had a few conversations with people who tell me they are thinking about being done with church but they really don't want to leave their friends they see every week. 

Just a thought - that is, in no way, meant to encourage anyone to leave a community they love. 

If the only time you see a friend is once a week at a church service, I might challenge whether that's a "friend". I think this is actually an subconscious problem within spiritual communities. Friends aren't that. Yes, they will disappoint you when you get sick or need a dollar - because they are not friends. They are fellow attenders to an event. They give great hugs and hellos and smiles (which can have tremendous value) but that's not what a friend is. 

A friend requires much more from you. 

self-help.

Sometimes you'll hear people speak very dismissively about "motivational speakers" or the "self-help" world.  I was just in a conversation with a person who said "I know this is a little self-helpy... but...." 

The general thought process is that "motivational" and "self-help" aren't exactly at the "spiritual" level of life and therefore something we can dismiss a bit. 

A few questions. 

1. If someone is motivating a human being... what is that? Evil? Good? God? 

2. If someone is helping someone help themselves... better understand who they are and what they are capable of... is that evil? Good? God? 

3. Are explicitly "spiritual" people not trying to motivate humans? Help humans? Help humans help themselves? If they aren't, what are they doing? 

We can stop being dismissive or apologizing for both now, right?  

no, it was the church.

I can't count the number of times I've heard a statement like "the church has hurt me" or "the church let me down" or "the church betrayed me"....

For a while it was popular to respond to such statements with "What was his/her name?" implying that "the church" can't hurt anyone. It's always a person, representing the church. 

After spending 9+ years working in the church and 44+ heavily involved (and talking to others with similar stats) I completely disagree.

I had an amazing experience with people in "the church". In fact, I can't name one person who did something wrong or hurtful or mean... honestly I can't. (Not that really sticks.) When I think of individuals, I have nothing but love and respect and good feelings. 

But, when I think of "the church" well... I don't have quite the same feelings. Not because of people, but because of the system... entirely the nameless, faceless, generic system... and its flaws. So, I'd actually encourage you today if you feel as though you've been hurt by the church, you probably have. 

If there was a person who was acting in the name of the church, trust that they've been hurt by it as well. 

Systems are oppressive. Systems exist to benefit themselves... not individuals, as Seth Godin says. And the church is no different. It's a system created to benefit itself, and that can be really hurtful.

Keep on trusting humanity, it's the systems that are a little more scary.  

Alexa. please

The other day I said something like "Alexa can you please tell me the weather?" and my daughter said "Dad, you know you don't need to say please, right? It's a robot." 

And my daughter is correct. 

Unless, I'm saying please for myself and the way I want to interact with the world. 

Which, if you get down to it, is most things in life. There is a part of how we live that benefits others but, in the end, it might just benefit us the most. 

the ostrich.

We can't just bury our head in the sand... not these days. Not with the government as terrible as it is, and the church as messed up as it is, and poverty, injustice, and... do we need to go on? 

We can't act like a problem doesn't exist... and hope it goes away. 

The poor ostrich. Forever tied with a saying about people who refuse to see problems and instead just want to cover their eyes and hope the predator coming for them doesn't see them. 

But, here's the deal. Ostriches don't bury their heads in the sand. Never have. Probably never will. Unless they want to die of asphyxiation. 

What the ostrich is doing is taking care of eggs that have been laid in a big hole that the ostrich dug in the sand. It looks like it's burying it's head but it's actually being an incredible parent, and all around member of the ostrich species, rotating and protecting eggs and taking care of future generations. 

Side note: ostriches are pretty tough. They're also really fast - as in the fastest 2 legged land animal - and they can run 30 mph for 10 miles. They also have a kick that can kill a lion. 

Why would they ever bury their head in the sand? 

They wouldn't. 

Neither would you. But, what you might do is take a moment to look down and into the future. What you might do is stop worrying about the lions out there and the hyenas that might be over the hill and the wild dogs that might be planning something in the near future. If they come, you'll deal with them. Yes. You're fast and strong and will be for others when they need you to be. 

Until then, it might be smart to stop reading the articles, stop worrying about the hypocrisy and not care as much about the thing those people are doing over there. Yes, you'll be accused of burying your head in the sand - because that's how it might appear - but what you're actually doing is taking care of the only thing worth taking care of: your legacy and the species, in ways that actually matter. 

bezos.

Jeff Bezos is the new wealthiest person on the planet. Somewhere around 112 billion. (We were both born in Albuquerque, NM in January... does that mean anything for me?) 

So, my family and I were trying to figure this out. If Mr. Bezos spent 1 million dollars a day (something that would be incredibly hard) for the rest of his life - and never made another penny (also basically impossible) he would still have about 100 billion dollars at his death. 1 billion is 1,000 million. He would have 100, 1,000 million. 

His worth is now equal to 2.3 million average Americans. 

He is the first centi-billionaire. More are coming. 

There are 2,208 billionaires in the world worth 9.1 trillion dollars. 

Bezos and the others are doing some amazing things... don't get me wrong... but at some point, when people keep talking about free market, capitalism, earning what you are worth, you arrive here. 

The 3 richest people in America own as much as the bottom 1/2. 
The 8 richest people in the world own as much as the bottom 1/2 of the world. 

The problem with more is that there is never enough. 

oscar.

Apparently the Oscars had one of the lowest audiences in its history this past Sunday night. Which raises lots of interesting questions:

1. Is there just too much other stuff to watch now? The audience is diluted. 
2. Are the Oscars boring and out-of-touch? Is it time for them to evolve? 
3. Are people not "artsy" enough? If The Avengers isn't nominated do they care? 
4. Should the Oscars nominate The Avengers so more people watch?
5. Should people care more about movies that say something instead of pulp entertainment?
6. Who cares if it's pulp entertainment? Aren't movies supposed to entertain? 
7. Who votes for the Oscars?
8. What is the success of an awards show?
9. Are people tired of out-of-touch Hollywood?
10. Is Hollywood out-of-touch? Are the majority of Americans out-of-touch?
11. Out-of-touch with what? Each other? 

I've asked myself these kinds of questions for almost 10 years in the church world. I don't have the answers but I'm really happy I don't have to ask them anymore. They're exhausting. 

the frog.

You know the old frog in boiling water? The saying goes that if you throw a frog into boiling water, it'll jump out, but if you slowly heat the water, it'll die, implying that we have to be very careful of slow change that will slowly kill us. 

Good news! 

It's a myth. The frog will jump when the water gets too hot. (Actually it'll probably jump right away.) And if you throw a frog into boiling water, it will die. 

On a related note, can we now start taking care of health care for all, gun restrictions, and a better welfare system? 

freeway life.

There are lots of saying related to the past is a memory and the future is a plan... and that it's only the present that exists. 

So true. 

But, there is another side of those sayings that can be a little frustrating... because the past matters quite a bit, actually, it's created the present, and the future matters quite a bit, it's determining the path we're on. 

I prefer the freeway metaphor. 

Rearview mirror glances are good - especially when changing lanes. You don't want to be surprised by something coming back that you've already passed, or didn't see from the past, especially when making a change. 

Generally, we looked forward on the freeway though. Keeping our eyes ahead, on where we are going... not so that we focus on the future but so we can be present at each moment on the road. 

Stare in the rear-view mirror, we'll get in a wreck. Never look, wreck. Stare too far ahead, and we'll get in a wreck. Never try to predict what's next, wreck. 

Lots of options for wrecks but we've got the freeway down pretty well. So, if we can bring that glance to the past, that focus on the future, and that attention to now into life, well, it seems like we might be on to something.