more, more is less.

In an experiment, people were blindfolded and told to tug on a rope. When they were told that it was only them pulling against their opponent they pulled much harder than when they were told there were others with them. 

In fact, there are many studies that prove that people work less hard when they are on a team. Anxiety levels decrease as does effort when we know we aren't being analyzed individually. 

So, yes, sometimes it takes a village. And sometimes we need to stop depending on that village. 

the past does matter.

I was recently in a conversation with a friend about their church. Like most churches, they are evolving, and like many churches, this means that they have very different demographics that are trying to evolve together. 

Always complicated.

But the conversation came down to an older white gentleman who has been at the church for 50+ years and a much more recent gay African American who has been attending.  

The conversation boiled down to this: someone is going to suffer. Someone is going to be forced to set their convictions aside and be in a community that they disagree with if the church takes a stance on homosexuality of any kind. Or if it doesn't. 

Who do you choose to hurt? 

The conversation was a long one with many complex twists and turns and I realize summarizing the conclusion in a paragraph can be dangerous - but if you'll allow me. 

History matters. Some groups of people have had a history (that still continues) of pain and oppression and struggle because of skin colors and sexual preferences and some groups have had much less. Those who have had much less, I hope, can handle a little discomfort in trying to prove that those who have suffered are, actually, as equal as those who have not.

You can't make up history but there is a lot of making up to do.  

just look up.

The next time you're feeling bad about your failures... look up. 

I mean that literally. 

At night. 

Check out the majestic beauty of stars, of space, of the thing we call the night sky. Isn't it lovely? 

Now remember this, that sky is filled with 100 billion failed stars. They're called brown dwarfs and considered too big to be planets and too small to be stars. It's almost like they tried but just couldn't make it. 

You know the feeling. 

But the sky up there is filled with them and it's still pretty damn beautiful. 

You'll be alright. Keep going. 

we don't need that.

Reading about America's latest aircraft carrier reminds me, again, that money is not the problem in this country. 

When I say "latest aircraft carrier" I mean a ship that has cost 13 billion dollars that still won't be ready for another 4 years because most of the major components on it don't work. I mean a ship where temporary setbacks costs 37 million dollars and a ship that was delivered "incomplete". You can read all the depressing details if you'd like. 

I mean a ship that, when finally ready for battle in some unforeseeable future, will do what? It will roam the seas with lots of airplanes on it - much like the 10 carriers we already have. (By the way no other country has more than 2. Russia has 1. China has 1.) 

Can we stop talking about "budget problems" and instead start talking about "priority problems". 

the other way around.

Seth Godin summarized it so well - I can't stop thinking about it. 

I don't blog every day because I have an idea. I have an idea because I blog every day. 

Bam. 

Boom. 

Gotcha. 

How often do I mix those up and in so many ways? 

Sometimes the inspiration you're waiting for isn't going to come until you start doing the thing you're afraid to try until the inspiration comes. 

too many choices.

The Paradox of Choice has been written about extensively... including a great book and TED Talk. The basic idea is this: too many choices and we're frozen. 

Standing in the grocery aisle with 72 spaghetti sauces does not make our life happier, it just makes us more confused. 

But, it extends beyond material goods... we live in an age now, where the choices for what to do this weekend, for jobs, for passions, for hobbies, for restaurants are just as overwhelming. 

I'm not sure the solution. Being aware of the problem is a good start. Not letting the infinite number of possibilities paralyze us, is maybe step two. 

Just decide. It's better to buy a crappy jar of spaghetti sauce then to sit there and stare at them all for hours. You can always go back to the store and get the other one. 

it left, right?

Interesting article. The short of it is this: mainline churches are dying and the evangelical churches are, at least, dying much more slowly, holding steady, and maybe even growing. 

Mainline are the more progressive/liberal and evangelical are the more traditional/conservative.   Which means, in the future, if trends continue, liberals will not go to church and conservatives will run the thing - at least in its current form. 

This is not a good trajectory for anyone but I'm more concerned with the liberal side of it, honestly. And it's another reason church has to change.  

20 years.

20 years ago, if you missed the "sermon" or wanted to hear it again - or give it to a friend - you could purchase a CD after the service. This usually meant standing in some kind of line and often a dollar or two. 

20 years before that, if your church was on the cutting edge, you could probably get a cassette tape after the service for all the same reasons. 

20 years before that, if you didn't hear what was said live, you didn't hear it. 

100 years ago...

1000 years ago, if you wanted to hear anything spiritual of any kind, there were no recordings, little to no books to read (if you could read), no blogs, no magazines, no traveling speakers in the way we understand them. You had to go to some kind of "church service". 

So, fast forward back to 2017. Not only can you grab the podcast the day after it was said, you can grab thousands of other podcasts, read thousands of books, thousands of blogs, thousands of articles, watch thousands of speeches... you get the idea. 

The common church structure was formed thousands of years ago, when that structure was very necessary.  

It has to change. 

jackhammers.

Concrete is good stuff. It's durable, it's strong, it takes a lot of energy to break apart. 

Which is great until you want to break it apart. You'll need a jackhammer. 

Jackhammers are loud, noisy, and, I imagine, if you're the concrete, very painful. 

Beliefs, traditions, and history can be a lot like concrete. Solid. Durable. Hold up to lots of wear and tear. But, if you want to, or need to, change them, well... get ready for some noise and some mess. It's not going to feel comfortable when it's done to you or when you're doing it to someone else. 

At the same time, concrete starts off more soft. Malleable. Formable. To keep it that way you move it, stir it up, to mix it up, you don't let it sit still. 

You can figure out which things you want to form and which you don't. I, for one, am trying to keep more things malleable, stirred up, constantly moving, before I let them sit. That stuff that needs a jackhammer isn't fun. 

that accent.

I ran into a man and woman with amazing Australian accents. I asked them if they were from Australia and told them I could listen to that accent all day. 

They both smiled and the woman said, "Oh thank you, but I hate my accent." 

Which at first made me think of something along the lines of "the grass is always greener." 

But, instead I told her again how awesome I thought they sounded and that I'm sure she doesn't appreciate it, like I do, but, for people, like me, well, it's beautiful to listen to. 

To which she thanked me. He smiled again. 

I guess the grass is greener on the other side, but I also think it's always healthy to take an opportunity - when you get one - to tell someone what a beautiful field you think they get to live in. I'm not sure we do that enough. 

kidstock.

There's an event up in Idaho called Kidstock. 

One 9 year-old was explaining what it was to another 9 year-old. 

Kid A: What's Kidstock? 

Kid B: It's Woodstock for kids.

Kid A: Oh.

Me: What's Woodstock, Kid A? 

Kid A: Oh, I don't know. I just heard someone describe it that way. 

A few days later I was with someone who said they don't believe something I do, because they're a "Bible Believer". 

I could have said oh. Instead, I asked what a Bible Believer was. 

I might as well have been asking the 9 year-old for an explanation of Woodstock. 

Maybe we can stop using words without any kind of meaning that we understand? Even if everyone else is using them and seems to be really spiritual when they do? 

the tarp.

We were setting up our tent and decided not to put on the tarp. The forecast was for pure sun. 

And you know the next line, right?

It rained.

We got up in the middle of the night and put on the tarp but we decided not to tie it down  because it wasn't windy. 

And you know the next line, right? 

The wind came barreling through and we got out of our wet sleeping bags to tie down the roof while it continued to rain. 

Was it because we were lazy?

Maybe.

Was it because we really didn't think there was a chance of rain? 

Maybe.

Was it because it's beautiful to sleep in a tent with no roof and stare up at the stars? 

For sure.

I suppose we weren't prepared. I was suppose we trusted a forecast. I suppose we thought wrong. 

But sometimes you just want to sleep under the stars - and you can deal with the rain if it comes.  

under water.

The juxtaposition is riveting. Above the waterline, the waves are so big, they're pushing you backward, rolling you up, and slamming you into the shore. Below the waterline, you barely hear them roaring above you, surrounded by a peace and calm and serenity. 

Much of religion has been spent trying to get rid of waves - waves that have come and gone for thousands of years, sometimes bigger, sometimes smaller, but always there. 

I think that's why religion is often found so empty. 

Spirituality/enlightenment/nirvana seem to accept the waves and, instead, teach us to hold our breath a little longer so we can go underwater when they come. 

I think that's why it's often found much more fulfilling. 

mine has starfish.

A few weeks ago my daughter was messing around at the beach with a boogey board. A 3 year-old kid decided to hang out with my 12 year-old daughter and play in the waves for a bit. 

He had his own boogey board that was quite a bit smaller. 

He looked at my daughter, looked at her board, looked at his board, and said "Your board is bigger, but mine has starfish." And he smiled.

Modeling again, a much better way to do life. Sure, you can always find someone with a bigger, better, whatever, but what do you love about what do you have? 

fate and wonder.

I know a great person who is always talking about the "will of God" or the "plan of God" or how amazing it is that "God brought this to being..." 

Just a reminder to all of us.

You don't need fate to have wonder and gratitude. In fact, arguably, randomness and chaos producing some amazing results for your life is much more wondrous and gives you even more to be grateful about. 

thousands and thousands...

There are thousands of people on this planet that are just as talented as me. And probably you. 

There are thousands more that are more talented than me. And probably you. 

Which leaves me, and you, with some decisions for our jobs, our passions, our creative endeavors, our dreams, our stories, our relationships... 

I can... 

1. Worker harder than them. (Keeping in mind there are thousands who will also work as hard.)
2. Wait for some luck. (Give the power to someone or something else.) 
3. Be more creative and unique. (But there are thousands who are just as creative...) 
4. Lower my expectations. (How low do I go?)
5. Quit. (Buy some weed and sit under a tree.)

or....

Cheer for them. Help them. Learn from them. Be generous and kind to them and humble around them. Stop competing with them and start being grateful for their inspiring presence in my life. 

And suddenly it seems like a much nicer and more enjoyable world. 

the wrong fear.

The man in charge of the air base was worried about sabotage, most likely from a foreigner (a.k.a. terrorism).

So, he ordered all of the planes to the middle of the airfield, as far from the fences as possible, wing tip to wing tip, and made sure all of the weapons were removed. 

Which would have been great, provided there had been a terrorist attack. And, after all, what other kind of attack would there have been since... 

"A Japanese attack on Hawaii is regarded as the most unlikely thing in the world, with one chance in a million of being successful..." 

 Turns out that Japanese attack - not the other one - happened and destroyed all of the airplanes that had been set-up almost perfectly for them. 

That's the thing with fear, and with pride, and with letting either one of them - worse both at the same time - make decisions for you. You might end up losing everything you thought you were protecting - or never thought you could lose. 

how can I help?

It's always funny the reaction people give (and might be expecting) when I hear the conversation. It's some variation of:

Person A: I've got to give up social media. I can't take it anymore. 

Person B: Really? Oh man... Yeah... 

Person A: It's just gotten to be too much. 

Person B: I get it. Forever?

Person A: No, no. Just maybe the summer. 

Here is more of the variation I think we should be pushing for:

Person A: I've got to give up social media. I can't take it anymore. 

Person B: How can I help you get rid of it forever? 

It might be a little harsh but that's me. When someone announces to me that they are getting off it, I hear it as though someone is announcing they are not going to do cocaine anymore. Awesome! What can I do to help? 

the ice maker.

There was an ice maker just sitting there. It had worked in the past but it wasn't working that day. And it drove us crazy. 

It was almost there. Almost ice.  So tempting.

If it had never been there it wouldn't have been near as annoying. If we had never known we could have had ice, we wouldn't have cared.

It would have been way nicer to have disappeared than to be there, not working.  

The things that bug us the most are usually the things that we know what to expect and we aren't getting it. We know it should be working and it's so close but it's not.

In other words, we hate the busyness of our lives because we know how our lives, our time, is supposed to work not because we are clueless.  

So good news. We know the right solutions, the way things are supposed to be - all we need to do is fix them.  

how...

It might be the thing I struggle the most with: the line of more and enough. Move too far either way and things aren't great: I can be content with nothing of meaning or I could never be satisfied with everything in the world. 

I've recently realized I need to answer a more important question. How much is enough? 

In other words...

How many people do I need to impact? One? Five? Ten thousand?

To be enough. 

How many blog readers? Ten? Fifty? Two-Hundred Thousand? 
How many book purchases? Hundred? Thousand? Million? 

To be enough. 

How many likes? 
How many nice emails? 
How many changed stories? 
How many.... 

And on and on the list goes... at what point would I think I've had enough? Not the cliché answers but my honest and authentic answers.

They don't necessarily have to be a number. Maybe it's an amount that supplies something else. But the point is that I will never have enough unless I start to define it. 

Neither will you. 

It's a question I've been thinking a lot about lately...